Here's a simple "law" about lying. People don't know what their behavior is when they lie. During a normal conversation, John might look in all directions, take relaxed breaths, make some facial expressions. The context of a normal conversation is just that - normal conversation.
But, when John is lying, the context changes to abnormal conversation. Here are a few of the differences:
His eyes will focus into a narrow range of movement - if they move at all. A year or so ago, Idaho Senator Larry Craig was interviewed on TV in an attempt to persuade people of his innocence. It didn't work because his behavior during the interview was so practiced and forced.
His breathing will speed up, as though he's jogging. That's because he's getting excited. He's found himself trapped in a corner. His fight/flight bell is ringing off the wall.
His facial expressions will become stiff and his eyes are likely to get wide.
That's for most people - most honest people. We just don't have lying skills. But, a lot of people do. They are masters at lying and manipulating. If you have to deal with someone like that, don't worry about catching them in a lie. They're probably too practiced to make stupid mistakes. So, your strategy would be to avoid pathological liars, or get away from them when you discover their need to lie. Dealing with a liar is a no-win situation for you. This is true if we're talking about your boyfriend, wife, co-worker or boss. You will always get burned if you deal with liars.
-- Michael
Showing posts with label truth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label truth. Show all posts
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Who looks like a liar?
In the show Lie to Me, the "deception detectives" look for certain signs. Some of the people exhibiting those signs are lying, and others are not. Who are the people that look like they're lying, but really aren't?
According to the FBI, people who could "look" guilty include:
"youthfulness, a low or borderline intelligent quotient (IQ), mental handicap, psychological inadequacy, recent bereavement, language barrier, alcohol or other drug withdrawal, illiteracy, fatigue, social isolation, or inexperience with the criminal justice system."
Those traits can affect the person's "decision-making process, mental alertness, and suggestibility."
So, instead of being guilty of murder, the suspect might simply be guilty of being stupid or stoned or tired or stressed. Have you ever been any of those? If so (according to Lie to Me), you could have become a murder suspect.
In your personal life, what a sad situation when you're arguing with your boyfriend and you have to say to him, "Sweetie, I know you're not a liar, but you are an idiot."
What you can do next. Want to learn some really powerful techniques for reading people? Just follow this link: http://www.aboutpeople.com/Catalog/product_info.php?products_id=28
That will take you to our book Face Values. It is by far the easiest and most effective set of skills for reading people. What's more, you can learn these skills in a matter of minutes.
Read the book and you'll be reading total strangers. You'll know their values, their personality type and their communication style.
-- Michael Lovas
According to the FBI, people who could "look" guilty include:
"youthfulness, a low or borderline intelligent quotient (IQ), mental handicap, psychological inadequacy, recent bereavement, language barrier, alcohol or other drug withdrawal, illiteracy, fatigue, social isolation, or inexperience with the criminal justice system."
Those traits can affect the person's "decision-making process, mental alertness, and suggestibility."
So, instead of being guilty of murder, the suspect might simply be guilty of being stupid or stoned or tired or stressed. Have you ever been any of those? If so (according to Lie to Me), you could have become a murder suspect.
In your personal life, what a sad situation when you're arguing with your boyfriend and you have to say to him, "Sweetie, I know you're not a liar, but you are an idiot."
What you can do next. Want to learn some really powerful techniques for reading people? Just follow this link: http://www.aboutpeople.com/Catalog/product_info.php?products_id=28
That will take you to our book Face Values. It is by far the easiest and most effective set of skills for reading people. What's more, you can learn these skills in a matter of minutes.
Read the book and you'll be reading total strangers. You'll know their values, their personality type and their communication style.
-- Michael Lovas
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Is your boyfriend lying?
Most of us mean well. We want other people to see us in the best light. But, none of us lives 24 hours a day in the best light.
Most of the time, in the life of a normal person, these transgressions are unimportant. But, there are times when it IS important. There are times when we need to understand how honest someone else is with us.
In your personal life - Let's say you're about to get engaged, but you don't know enough about the other person. Is she just out for your money? Is he just looking to get laid? Will this relationship work, or is it doomed? How can you find out?
Those are questions we all need answered from time to time. And, those are the same types of things that the TV show Lie to Me explores. Who is telling a lie and why?
In real life, all people lie. In real life, we all read clues to let us know that something is not right. Some people are naturally brilliant at it, while most people need to learn a few skills in order to do it.
On TV, there are absolute signs that tell you someone is not telling the truth. That's not real life. There are no absolutes. For example, a facial twitch does not mean the person is a liar. A down-turned mouth does not mean the person is contemptuous. A look to the right does not mean the person is making up a story.
Watch this blog and I'll explain how to spot the truth, and how to spot someone who could be a problem for you. And, for more information, visit my website: http://www.aboutpeople.com/
-- Michael Lovas
Most of the time, in the life of a normal person, these transgressions are unimportant. But, there are times when it IS important. There are times when we need to understand how honest someone else is with us.
In your personal life - Let's say you're about to get engaged, but you don't know enough about the other person. Is she just out for your money? Is he just looking to get laid? Will this relationship work, or is it doomed? How can you find out?
Those are questions we all need answered from time to time. And, those are the same types of things that the TV show Lie to Me explores. Who is telling a lie and why?
In real life, all people lie. In real life, we all read clues to let us know that something is not right. Some people are naturally brilliant at it, while most people need to learn a few skills in order to do it.
On TV, there are absolute signs that tell you someone is not telling the truth. That's not real life. There are no absolutes. For example, a facial twitch does not mean the person is a liar. A down-turned mouth does not mean the person is contemptuous. A look to the right does not mean the person is making up a story.
Watch this blog and I'll explain how to spot the truth, and how to spot someone who could be a problem for you. And, for more information, visit my website: http://www.aboutpeople.com/
-- Michael Lovas
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